I can count on two hands the days until my due date (that would be 6). Of course this means nothing because babies come when they are good and ready. In an effort to encourage him out sooner I have been sitting on an exercise ball and walking/window shopping everyday. I've even taken to asking other moms or google-ing ways to jump start contractions. Let me tell you some options sound much more appetizing than others. All of this leads me to last night....
I have been going to bed earlier than usual because I'm exhausted and when I roll over (multiple times) throughout the night, I wake up briefly. Last night I woke up to some odd cramping and then suddenly I was starving. I immediately thought Cash had dropped, which meant that my stomach was no longer shoved in my chest and that was why I was so hungry. My second thought was I shouldn't have rejected Ryan's offer for our nightly slice of ice cream cake. Either way I laid in bed contemplating my next move.
For the next 45 minutes I began to panic. My life will never be the same. In less than two weeks I will be a parent of TWO CHILDREN! I will be responsible for the lives of two little people and it will then be my responsibility to raise them to be gentlemen, productive members of society, good husbands/dads. I'll have to encourage their imaginations, creativity, and independent thoughts. Whatever happens to these two boys will be mine (and Ryan's) success or failure. OMG! How are we going to pay for college? Private or public school? Will they be healthy? Have learning disabilities? What if one, or both, are gay? How will I protect them, or teach them how to deal with society? And my biggest fear: how will I hold on to my relationship with my boys once they are married and have families of their own?! Screw the pain of child birth, at least there are pain meds for that. The pressure of raising children is what gets me.
After talking myself, and my inner voices, down I realized I just needed a bowl of cereal and some good infomercials so I could go back to bed. Tonight I will have that slice of ice cream cake just in case.
I'm there with ya lady. Will's grandparents told us the most wonderful thing... "remember, eventually they are not your kid. They are a citizen of the world. You have to get them to the point where they make good decisions, and learn to fail well... It's a good feeling to know that you will raise them to be self sufficient and successful... Just worry about putting food in their mouths and love in their hearts!
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