Looking back, Part 4: the unexpected career and my subsequent work spouse

I graduated with a "Self Designed" Bachelor of Arts in Art History and Film Studies. The reason it is "self designed" is because I transferred to UOP to major in Art History and upon enrollment they dropped that major (dammit!). Luckily they still offered all of the classes I needed, I just couldn't graduate with that specific degree. I'm sure you are thinking "why didn't you just change your major?" Well smarty, my philosophy at the time was "how the hell can I pick a major/career at 18 that's supposed to last me my entire life?!" So I was majorly indecisive (pun intended.)

I originally enrolled at American River JC to major in Culinary Arts, I wanted to be a chef. Then I realized that would mean working on weekends, late nights, and holidays - no thank you. When I transferred to Sacramento City JC I switched my major to Liberal Studies. My new career would be teaching elementary school! It wasn't long before I talked myself out of that too. I was worried that if I taught kids all day I'd never want my own. Ugh, true story.
SIDE NOTE: I have some friends in the K-12 business. They have some super funny/gross/uh-oh type of stories. So glad I don't have to be apart of those shenanigans.

I chose to major in Art History based on an elective I had taken at Sac City. I loved that class and I was good at it too. History isn't usually my forte but the art aspect of it is very personal. Its like reading a People magazine on one picture. And the best part is most of it is subject to interpretation! So more often than not if you know the art concepts you can interpret what the artist was trying to portray. Don't get me wrong, this subject isn't for everyone. In fact when I graduated college my Mom took me on a trip to Paris. I remember visiting the Pompidou (modern art museum). I was admiring a painting when I heard laughter in the next room. I walked in to find my Mom and Aunts laughing hysterically while galloping to the recorded sounds of horse hooves in that room. I was so embarrassed. 

I stuck to my guns, I was going to keep what was left of my "major"  and pay a pretty penny for my worthless self designed piece of paper...really I should have just switched majors. But I had just talked my parents into letting me go to this specific school for this specific major because I was going to be a MUSEUM CURATOR. Sounds fancy, huh? I thought so too. In all honesty I was only going to school to get a stupid degree to make them shut up and had no intention of using that degree in my career.  My philosophy was if you are going to pay for college you may as well study a subject that you like (right?! Someone please tell me I'm on to something here.) Either way I did great, I rocked my classes and loved all my teachers. Looking back though I'd totally switch majors, probably to Psychology/Sociology or Business.

After graduation, Ryan got a job and we moved. He was hired as a manager for a manufacturing company. I was applying for odd jobs but since we were getting married that September I focused on wedding planning. (Why didn't anyone at college tell me that I should have been looking for a job my last semester?!) I found a job at a near by CSU, one that I had never heard of before, as an Administrative Assistant for Associated Students. I figured I could work and they would pay for my Masters degree (which I still haven't done). I had only worked there a short time before I realized that working at a college is a really sweet gig! It was a job BUT I still got to hang out with people my age and do all the fun college stuff. Homecoming? I worked it. Concerts? Worked that too. Free food days? You bet I worked/ate at those events! Honestly it was the best gig. After work we would all grab a drink or go to a party. Ryan was working "split shifts" at that time and he would occasionally meet up with us.

A year later I moved to a different office with the goal to become a student advisor for that department. I still got to do all the fun stuff but I was ready to hand over the office duties to someone else. One year after that I was hired as the Student Organization Advisor and Activities Coordinator. A few minor job duty tweeks and 3 years later I'm still at it. In the last month alone my job consisted of rowing a boat in the school pond, attending a dance competition, talking to students about a campus wide scavenger hunt, going to a memorial for a student (not so fun), eating free ice cream, and updating our website - that was done with my shoes off and my feet on an exercise ball. Sure there are good and bad parts to any day but for me it's bearable because I have an awesome work spouse.

Candy* is my work spouse, between the hours of 8am-5pm we are married to each other.
Here are the seven signs you have a work spouse:
1. You depend on a particular co-worker for office supplies, snacks and aspirin.
2. There are inside jokes that you and a specific co-worker share.
3. You can be bluntly honest with this person about his or her appearance, hygiene or hair (and vice versa). You're comfortable enough to point out that the other's hair is sticking up -- or that someone's fly is down.
4. When something eventful happens at work, this co-worker is the first person you seek out for a de-briefing.
5. At breakfast, lunch and coffee breaks, your closest co-worker knows what to order for you and how you like your coffee (and vice versa).
6. You and your co-worker can finish each other's sentences.
7. Someone in your office knows almost as much about your personal life as your best friend or real-life spouse does.

Our relationship didn't start off amazingly. At first I found Candy to be annoying, she is/was super friendly, cheery, and nosy. I guess you would think that she was just trying to make friends and get to know people in the office - I thought she was invading my turf.  She is a 6'5", blond, from Stockton, who went to Auburn University to play volleyball, and she's a sorority girl. Put all that together and I didn't like her one bit. She slowly grew on me and after a while we became really close. Some days we will purposefully dress the same, I even bought us a set of matching letters. And last week we both wore the same thing - completely by accident. Honestly, that happens more often than not. We laugh at the dumbest things, spend the first hour on Mondays discussing our weekends, and vent to each other when stupid stuff happens at work/home. I was there when she got married and when she lost her Dad. She was there through both my pregnancies - I told her before I told my boss about Cash. We have been through three bosses, many student assistants, lots of late nights, and some hilarious days. Recently, its become a serious concern that our students think we are actually married to each other. To which we have to respond "no, and this is not our child." We make a great team. I'm afraid for the day when one of us doesn't work here anymore.

Breast Cancer walk on campus

Our 2009 Christmas Card

We dressed up as dudes for a campus Drag Show

Did you know that we have won TWO awards for our awesome team work?! Who'd have thought!

It never occurred to me that this could be a job. Could I do it forever? I don't think so. The older I get the farther away from this generation I feel. Students now need their hand to be held for everything, the majority of them aren't very resourceful and frankly I'm already raising one kid. I'm just enjoying this career while it lasts and seeing where it will take me. And luckily I have a great work spouse to share the craziness with.

*no joke but Candy was her parents first pick for their daughters name. Candace Darling. Luckily they didn't want a daughter who was a Dr. and moonlighted as a stripper so they renamed her. Shout out to Karen & David!*

Looking back, Part 3: My Husband

As I have mentioned previously, Ryan and I met at college. He was a 4th year Engineering student who was paid to do dishes for the sorority I had just joined as a transfer student.  I really didn't pay much attention to him at first. He was dating one of my sisters and being of Spanish-Mexican decent he was not my type (see previous blog). But all the ladies loved him, I remember they would all give him hugs and fawn over him*. Don't get me wrong he is very cute, has a tight butt, and an athletic build. Oh and he is nice, smart, mature, and funny. A great catch.

So here I am, second semester, my bf and I just broke up, in a house with my new friends - who are also single. Time to party, right? That is nearly impossible to do with people other than your fraternity friends. After a few months of fun Ryan and I found ourselves hanging out in the same circle. It really didn't take long for Ryan and I to discover that we have similar personalities that meshed well together. That summer Ryan would be leaving for a nine month internship three hours away. We talked on the phone regularly for a while and then we began casually dating.

Let me back up because Ryan is nothing like I would have pictured myself with. Ryan grew up in Stockton, he has two sisters, attended a high school that was fitted with razor wire - but offered the GATE program he was enrolled in, was in a gang - for a second, possibly sold drugs, worked throughout high school at McDonald's, he is very athletic (football, baseball, wrestling, rugby), he was nice to everyone and as such no one had (or has) anything bad to say about him, he was in a fraternity, AND his nickname was Truck (who honestly has that for a nickname?!) Clearly the type of guy I was attracted to wasn't working out so I convinced myself that I should just take a chance, like I had with everything else I'd done at college.

Those nine months seemed to go on forever. Every weekend we would switch off driving the six hours, round trip, to see each other. It was nice because during the week I had plenty of time to do school work and spend time with my friends. It was also great because he was already friends with all of mine so when he was in town he was always invited to hang out with the girls.

Within those first nine months of dating we began to talk marriage. We even went ring shopping a few weeks before Christmas.  I found one I really liked but we were "just looking" figuring we'd get engaged after the holidays when he'd move back to Stockton for our last semester. I'd be leaving for Carmel that Christmas Eve and he would join me on the 26th. I thought he was just coming to meet my family and spend some vacation time with me. He had already met my parents and my Mom's side of the family - they loved him. In fact the day my Mom and Aunt met Ryan we were on our way to the movies, I had just gotten into the car and my Mom called me. She said "Your Auntie C and I like Ryan very much and we think you'll make cute babies." Gee, she didn't wait long! I'll also add that was month one or two of dating.

Back to Christmas: The plan was for him to arrive just before our big post-Christmas dinner at Granny's house. He called me when he left Stockton to let me know he was on the road, I think he was running late, and that the ring we picked out had been sold. Mom and I were knee deep in "after Christmas sales" and I remember briefly being sad that he didn't get a ring which meant an engagement might be farther away than we had discussed. Anyway, Ryan got to Carmel in time for dinner and schmoozing with my family. After dinner the cousins typically do dishes and Ryan jumped in with everyone else (to this day he can do dishes better than anyone, he has a very specific system. Its all that sorority experience). For some strange reason we decided to do the dishes in the back house (there are two houses at Grans, one in the front, for Auntie Kate, and one in the back, for Gran) after we had just eaten in the front house. As I was drying off the last of the dishes I noticed the other cousins had left and Gran's cd player was on. Ryan had just come inside and was trying to tell me something. I was too busy trying to turn off the cd player, but where the hell was it and why was it playing "Your Song" (which happens to be our song.) Finally I found the damn thing and switched it off. Ryan grabbed my arm and lead me onto the patio, he got down on one knee and started saying something to me. Oh Crap! This is it! He's freaking proposing! I remember crying and laughing because my Dad had forgotten his one job was to put some flowers out for me and we caught him sneaking onto the patio to put them out-mid proposal. Of course I said yes. Ryan and my Mom had been talking and planning the big proposal for a few weeks. It was all very sweet and I was totally surprised.

The BIG day 9/3/05

We've been married almost 6 years now and though marriage is a huge adjustment, as is living with someone 24/7, I can honestly say that Ryan is the perfect partner for me. He allows me to be me - aside from being a mother, wife, chef, party planner, and accountant. He always encourages me and gives me space to grow. As a matter of fact he completely indulges me and my silly ideas or plans for our next life together (be on the look out bc in life #2 we will be in Vegas! He will be a famous athlete and I'll be an actress or singer.) We make a great team, as partners and parents. I'm very lucky to have him.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times where we've had our disagreements. In the beginning we had a lot of drama, especially if there was alcohol involved. And once we were married we had to deal with his crazy work schedule (I didn't mind graveyard or split shifts when we didn't have a kid but having a zombie as a parent is SUPER frustrating!) But as the years have gone by we've figured out how to make it all work - day shift, less booze (well maybe not LESS), and multiple tv's in the house.


We have big plans for our future together. My favorite includes a tour of the US via food network restaurant suggestions followed by a three month European vacation - after we ship the kids off to college of course.


* I still have to fight off the hoe's tryin to take my man. In fact just last week while we were on vacation Dad and Ryan played golf with a couple and the woman was flirting with him...IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND! Lucky for her I wasn't there to kick her ass AND she bought him a beer - POINT RYAN!

Looking back, Part 2: Delta Delta Delta. Can I help ya, help ya, help ya?

Do you remember that reality show "Sorority Life?" It was on MTV in 2002 and followed some women pledging a local sorority in my hometown, Davis. It was highly entertaining but didn't paint sororities in a very good light. Let me summarize the show for you: once you join a sorority you get drunk a lot, cry even more, and hook up with a bunch of guys....oh and you talk about sisterhood (whatever the hell that means.) Sounds like fun? Yuck, it makes me want to go get tested for those women.

By the time I was ready to transfer to UOP this and any other sorority satire was all I knew of. I'm sure I'm not the only person that held the opinion that sororities are just women "paying for their friends." And it didn't really matter to me because I preferred to hang out with the guys, I don't like all the girl drama and I had no intention to get involved with any such business. Armed with these opinions I headed to New Student Orientation the summer of 2003. My student advisor, Molly*, just so happened to be the President of a campus sorority, but was unable to disclose which one during NSO. As she gave a group of 20+ a campus tour I worked up the courage to ask a question as we got to the brothels sorority houses.

"Um, Molly. I have a question about your sorority. How much do you pay for your friends?" Oh, yea. I said that, with bitchy pride. Molly was very polite and not the least bit caught off guard as she answered my, very rude, question with the standard answer.

The next day I got a phone call from my Mom. "Some girl named Molly called and invited you over to the sorority house to decorate picture frames." SERIOUSLY?! No way! Do I look like I enjoy decorating picture frames in my spare time?! I am in college and there is no way I'm going to spend a night with a bunch of fake girls when I could be hanging out with my boyfriend. (Total bitch, huh?)

Days later Molly called my cell phone (thanks Mom) and invited me to play flag football with the sorority intramural team. Now we're talking! Seems innocent enough. Besides maybe I'll make a friend or two. Sign me up. Next thing I know they are inviting me over for lunch (free lunch!), giving me a tour of the house (huge and nice), taking me out to dinner (sweet), and finally offered me an invitation to join (HOLD IT, WHAT?!) I said I needed time to think and I immediately called my Mom so she could talk me out of it.  She did no such thing. In fact she told me that I should go for it, what did I have to loose? (Secretly I think she was also trying to get me away from the bf I had, she didn't like him too much.)

Two days later I found myself walking towards the house on Bid Day, taking pictures with strangers, dancing to loud music on the patio, and meeting my new sisters. Eventually I became President of my pledge class, I was soon elected New Member Educator, and I would have 100+ new friends. That's not to say I got along with all of the women or even liked them all, but its the same with family right? You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. That's really what I was beginning to think of all those women as, my family. These women would accept me at my best, my worst, and my bitchiest.

Bid Day 2004

Because of my decision to join a sorority it took my short time at college and amplified it. Had I not joined I wouldn't have participated in Greek Week, Derby Days, Lip Synch, gotten dressed up for formals, passed out on a house boat, played Century Club, met my best friends, or married my husband. And if you were wondering, the answer is yes. Yes there were pillow fights, cat fights, and wrestling matches. We sang, snapped, and danced. We dressed up, smoked out, stayed up late talking, and snuck boys in the house. And there may have been a time when someone was laughing so hard they pee'd in their pants (but I'm not telling who.)

I learned so much about myself, about what sisterhood really is, and about leadership. To this day I am an active alumni member of my sorority, I advise 12 chapters in the western region, and I use the skills I learned in the sorority on a daily basis and in my career as a college advisor.

I still keep in touch with many of my sisters and even though we all don't talk on a regular basis we know that there is always someone there when you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with, a friend to bounce crazy ideas off of, or a sister to shoot the shit with. We've been through breakups, fall outs, marriages, babies, career changes, relocation's, birthdays, holidays, and vacations.

I will forever be grateful to my Mom for convincing me to try something new and to my sorority sisters for offering me the chance to be apart of something that will last a lifetime. This was truly a decision that would affect my life in the most positive way.

Scorpio Pub Crawl 2009

*H.H if you are reading this, I apologize for my horrible behavior that day. I'm happy that you saw through my crappy attitude and invited me to join the flag football team.

Looking back, Part 1: the Dr and the muscian

They say you don't know how far you are until you reflect on how far you've come...or something like that. Hell, I don't even know who "they" are but I know someone said something similar. Either way I figured I'd take a few blogs to reflect back on how I got to this point in my life.

I guess it all starts with my type, the specific type of man I find myself attracted to. I remember my first crush, I was in elementary school and his name was Bobert*.  I liked him because he reminded me of my Dad. He was tall, blond hair, and Caucasian - I like white boys. That's really the only reason I liked him, I don't mean sexually, its not weird for little girls/boys to like someone that reminds them of their parents-look it up. Long story short all the boys that followed Bobert were similar a.k.a - white (Ashley, Matt, Matt, and Matt - I guess that was a popular name when I grew up.) Don't get me wrong there was one or two guys that were of different ethnicity but predominately I liked my men tall, blond-ish, and white. As I got older I liked the skater boys and musicians. I pictured myself bare foot and pregnant, married to a rock star/skate boarder: Mrs. Nick Hexum (from 311).

My first major boyfriend was Tris. We had a class together Jr year of High School. He sat in front of me and I fell in "like." He listened to loud music, drove a blue mini van, played tennis, was a skater, and smoked. Our class together was right before lunch and some how our little flirtation began when we started a competition to race each other to Taco Bell. As soon as the lunch bell rang we would run out to our cars, wait for our friends to hop in, then race downtown. Oddly there were never any words exchanged it was just something we did. Finally I got up the courage one day to talk to him. During 7th period I was hanging out in the parking lot with some friends and he had just pulled up next to me. He didn't get out of his car, just rolled down the window and waited for his friends to get out of class. I walked over and said "so do you always sit in your car alone and listen to music?" (Yes, I remember exactly what I said.) Thus began our relationship. Very quickly we became bf &gf. Every month he would bring me a gift for our anniversary. Six months later we were discussing moving to San Diego (where he would go to college), getting married, and having kids - we even picked out our kids names. Hell, we even picked out what kind of cars we would have and the house we would buy. I really truly thought I was going to marry Tris but looking back our paths weren't meant to be. He was very ambitious, he knew where he was going, and what he was doing with his life. Tris got into UCSD and wanted to be a Pediatrician. Me, I didn't even take my SAT's. I had no plans for college because I was going to be a stay at home Mom. In the end we grew apart, though I do think that we could have been one of those couples who were high school sweethearts if only I had kept up my end of the ambition. Tris just got married last year, is working on getting his PH.d and doing cancer research at UCLA. That guy is going to save the world.

My next love came three years later. I was going to school at American River JC, working at Macy's, and spending most of my time either at dive bars in downtown Sac or local music shows. My coworker, Nic, and I went to SF and got (really really) fake ID's so we could go to the same bars as the guys in the bands we were hanging out with. Nic was from Elk Grove and her neighbor hung out with the same crowd we did. One night we were hanging out at the usual spot, Benny's, when Mason showed up with Nic's neighbor. He was four years older, played guitar, lived in Lodi with his parents, went to school at S.J Delta, and worked with his Dad-not exactly ambitious like Tris but I was looking for something different I suppose. I wasn't immediately attracted to him as I was currently crushing on the bass player of Shortie, Kyle. By the second or third time we all hung out Mason asked for my number. I happily gave it to him, Kyle was a lost cause, and said "don't wait three days to call me." You see, Swingers had just come out and it wasn't unusual for the crowd we were with to be super slutty (not that Nic and I were). So my comment was very realistic, either call me or don't, if you don't peace! He got the hint and called me the next morning. Our relationship started out slow, he was older and lived "far away." A year after we started dating he decided to attend UOP and get his degree in Music Therapy. By this time Mason and I were talking marriage, something he claimed he had never thought of until dating me, and since he was moving even father away from Davis I figured I could transfer to UOP as well. I was taking classes at Sac City JC and had enough credits for two or three AA degrees. I knew that I needed to transfer ASAP because Mason's Music Therapy major was filled with more women than men and I didn't like that the women had taken him under their wing. He was always studying with a group of girls, a red flag that never left even when I transferred to UOP. It was the middle of my second semester that my suspicions had finally caught up with me. Mason broke up with me after a weekend conference spent with Cannie. They are now married, have their own business, and have a children's band similar to Peter, Paul and Mary. He was an amazing musician and I'm sure he has helped many children.

By the time Mason and I broke up I had been at UOP for a few months, had joined a sorority, and moved into the house. This really was perfect timing because I had a bunch of friends to comfort and distract me, my roommate was even going through a similar situation as her and her bf had just broken up. This was also around the time that I had met Ryan.

Clearly my life would be very different if I had ended up with Tris or Mason. But lucky for me I could never be a Dr's wife, sharing my husband with sick people isn't something I envy in others, and because I'm tone deaf I wouldn't be able to play in a band, I'm too old to be a groupie. The way I see it we are all with the right people and happy with the path we are on.

*some names have been changed to protect the innocent*